Nothing prepares you for the day your child is born. It is always unexpected and comes as a surprise even after all the great anticipation leading up to the moment. My grandmother always explained it as a feeling like none other. And, there would be no mistaking what that pain was.
The labor was much different this time because it started two days before Emery made her appearance. It woke me up about two o’clock Wednesday morning, and I just knew I would be holding her by that night. However, she had something completely different in mind and didn't come for another two whole days. There was so much more planning involved this time because of Owen. And luckily, I had amazing help, which I am so grateful for. Thursday night at around 8:30 it was to the point of no return, so we headed to the hospital. By the time I arrived, I was more than past the halfway mark and was completely beside myself.
No words can explain those feelings and how desperate you feel to have them go away. I felt Wade's nerves and uncertainty about what to do to help and there was really nothing he could do. By the time I finally got in my room, I was ready to get the show on the road. My nurse seemed to think it would be the afternoon of the next day, but Emery had something different in mind and all I remember my nurse saying was, IT WAS TIME!
Nothing in the whole world prepares you for those three little words.
The emotions you go through in that short time is indescribable. It is a little bit of nerves mixed with a whole lot of fear and a side of excitement. You’re scared, but you don’t know what of and there isn’t much time to worry, but you still do. And at the tail end of all that is this overwhelming realization that you are about to meet someone who without knowing it, will be one of the most important people in your life.
You have a great sense of anxiety. You know there’s no going back and there is no getting out of it. You wish someone else could do it for you, but they can’t. And, somewhere somehow, you dig down deep and find something inside yourself and just do it.
From start to finish, it was a pretty quick delivery, but you couldn't convince me of that. It felt like eons and I have never been so relieved to be finished with something in my life. She showed up bright and early on Friday morning at 5:21am, with the same dark paralyzing eyes as her brother.
She was wide awake and ready to meet the world. She and her Daddy hit it off right from the start like I knew they would and as for me, I found myself in love all over again. She had a very familiar face with bright beautiful eyes. She didn't cry much and would stare holes through me when I held her. She made her entrance into the world with complete peace...not a single worry or bad thought.
She was perfect.
I never worried how I would feel once she was born, but I was surprised how much I did. It wasn't a matter of love; it was a matter of the layers of love. Your heart has a funny way of making room. From day one, I loved her as much, but in an entirely completely separate way.
For so long, Owen has been at the center of it all. And even your imagination can't begin to help you know what it will be like having two. I never skipped a beat. Between the time I dropped him off and we went from being a family of three to four, there were no balancing acts. There was just the right amount to go around for everybody.
When Emery was born, Hannah sent a picture to her mom, which is where Owen stayed the night of her birth. She showed him the picture, and the only thing he said was, "That's my Emmie." When Hannah told me that, we all lost it. It made me realize that he never needed a transition period to get used to the fact that she was going to be around. In fact, he had been waiting for her just like we had and had already claimed her as his own.
When he came to the hospital, I was so glad to see him. But more that, I was so excited for him to meet his baby sister. He was pretty amazed with her from the beginning. He was there when they gave her the first bath and he was right in middle of it all, just like he should have been. He wanted to hold her and could hardly contain letting her be swaddled. He kept unwrapping her to see her hands and feet. And the first thing he said when he saw her was, "She has a nose!" This of course was followed by laughter because I guess he didn't think they came with those.
Days before it all happened, I remember lying in the floor with he and Wade and thinking how different all our lives would be come the next few days. I realized that it would never be "just us" again. I didn't feel guilty like I've heard others say. But, I did realize I would "miss this," and rightfully so. For the past almost three years, he was our one and only. And although I was so excited about Emery and couldn't wait to meet her, it didn't change the fact that I was his "first-time" mom.
My mother-in-law says that God makes the first kid resilient. And this is so true! I've made my fair share of mistakes, and he and I both have had to learn things the hard way. He made my first experience a mix of so many things. I experienced emotions that I never thought possible, both good and bad. Being a mother has given me some of the greatest experiences of my life. And now, I see how even better it will be with her. If you were to ask me and I'm sure Owen one day, we would say Emery is lucky to be the second because Owen has put plans and methods in place and has tweaked the system already for her.
I will probably throw a lot of things out the window and will stick to the things that seemed to work. I realize that having two is a whole new ballgame, but the only thing that never changes is the amount of love for the game.
Someone told me once that people think having children is division, but instead, it is multiplication. The love isn't divided; it is multiplied. Sounds like simple mathematics to me.
When I talked to my father-in-law on the phone the day she was born, he probably summed it up better than anyone. It was simple and wise and exactly how I felt. He just said, "The love is just there, isn't it?" And, yes it is. I loved her so very much the first time I saw her. I had forgotten how tiny they are and how sweet it is to hold them. But even more than that, it made me appreciate the short time I have in all her smallness because it true like everyone says, they grow up SO fast.
It's been many days now since she came into our lives. Four months to be exact. It's been hard to find time to catch up and most days I don't even know which way is up.
We are not sleeping through the night. But after talking to many moms, I've heard it never gets any better. Because when you have kids, you never sleep, no matter how old they get. Emery has grown by leaps and bounds and Owen is just narrating the world and doesn't slow down. He talks and talks and talks and he runs and runs and runs. He is beginning to say funny things all the time and even surprises me with an occasional "Mommy-ism."
Life will never be the same as we once knew it and every day, my kids are growing before my eyes. It's hard most of the time and things always seem completely out of order, but we're living life in the fast lane and there is no end in sight. We are tired and grumpy and happy and full of ourselves all the time, and we are a growing family just trying to figure it all out.
I count my blessings and I say my prayers and I have hope and faith that it will all come out like it should. Owen and Emery are a match made in Heaven and our home is all the more satisfied by her existence. And as for Wade, he is just as I knew he would be, easy-going and so very very patient . . . with all THREE of us.
We love our new little addition and are so thankful for all the blessings that she is adding to all our lives. I am looking forward to many years of watching her grow, but for now, I am just soaking up the small time and trying not to rush it.
